The Emotional Side of Fertility Problems

“What are we doing wrong? Why us, of all people? Is it because of our lifestyle?” Almost all couples struggling with family planning have asked themselves these questions. They’re agonizing—and in the vast majority of cases, unfounded.

The truth is: Very few couples are doing anything wrong.
 

Stress is a consequence, not a cause

There’s a persistent belief that psychological pressure is to blame for the inability to conceive—“Just relax, and it’ll work out.” This statement isn’t just unhelpful; it’s also factually questionable.
 

Psychological stress is generally the result of the difficulty with family planning, not its cause.
 

The research on this topic is mixed. There is evidence that prolonged, severe stress can slightly prolong the time it takes to conceive—but if there is any effect at all, it is small, and this is usually explained by less frequent intercourse and more irregular cycles (Wesselink et al. 2018). This makes it harder to hit the fertile window. This is also a valid approach—read more about it in our article “Improving Your Chances Naturally.”
 

What is well documented, however, is that family planning and its treatment cause significant emotional distress (Boivin et al. 2022).
 

This distinction is important because it lifts a weight off your shoulders: You haven’t sabotaged your chances of engaging in family planning by feeling the “wrong” way.
 

Where the Pressure Really Comes From

The emotional pressure rarely comes from the couple themselves—it comes from outside. From parents and in-laws hoping for grandchildren. From coworkers and friends who add fuel to the fire with insensitive questions. And from your own feelings of guilt.
 

An effective defense is a conscious information blackout: You don’t have to answer to those around you. Share your feelings where they’ll be safe—with your partner, with us, or with the specialists we recommend.
 

Protecting Your Relationship

Diagnosis and treatment can put a strain on a relationship. This makes it all the more important to nurture your partnership, especially during this time. Men and women often process family planning differently—this is normal and not a sign that something is wrong with your relationship.
 

Talk openly with each other about the situation. And if that’s difficult, we’ll help you find the right support together.
 

Work and Stress

Professional stress isn’t always avoidable these days. A career change may make sense if your job is simply draining you—as opposed to the positive stress that comes from a fulfilling job.
 

But here’s what we advise against: giving up your career entirely just to finally get pregnant. If you don’t succeed, you’ll lose two things at once. A fulfilling job is often more of a source of stability than an obstacle during this time.
 

What Really Causes Stress

Surveys of affected women consistently show that the greatest stress does not come from the treatment itself, but from the waiting and the failure—from the recurring disappointment when menstruation returns once again (Boivin et al. 2022).
 

We take this burden seriously. And we promise you: Our goal is not pregnancy at any cost. We respect your wishes and your limits and support you in finding your own path.
 

You don’t have to bear this burden alone

Sometimes professional guidance helps. Psychological support can significantly alleviate anxiety and depressive moods and helps you cope better with the stress (Jackson et al. 2025). We work with experienced professionals in psychology and psychiatry who have already supported many couples trying to conceive. We can provide you with their contact information at any time—just ask.